Every Lip Balm Sends A Message

I did an entry about a “Lip Balm Tub” which struck me as just the right combination of one syllable words with the letter “P” or “B” in it to make fun of.

Recently, I found even more examples of this marketing madness and it’s madness: Who knew that putting your brand on something for chapped lips could change the world as we know it. My favorites:

THE TIN!!

 

Lanyard Lip Balm

THE LANYARD!!

 

Lippy Carabiner

THE CARABINER!!

 

BALM BALLS LIPS

THE BALLS!!!

 

THE VARIETY!!

 

THE ENTIRE COLLECTION

(from Totally Promotional dotcom)

As the great advertiser David Ogilvy once said:

Market to chapped lips and your brand will shine.

If you want to reach back to the origins of this, link below.

The original Lip Balm Tub marketing madness

 

Sometimes Marketing Madness Gets Papered Over By Social Distancing

They could have made a sign big enough to cover up the elevator ad in this hotel promoting their meeting spaces.

Elevator Bank 1 Elevator Bank 2 Elevator Bank 3

But, ahh, it’s a Global Pandemic! Just don’t kill each other okay?? We can meet in a conference room later.

And if you read the signs carefully through elevator banks 1, 2 and 3 you can see that they are talking about “Meeting in style in the heart of the Main Line.” Oh yeah that…

SHHH!! They’ll Never Know We’re Not Whole Foods!

I wonder if the owner of this bodega on the Lower East Side was like:

“What the hell? If we get just a few more customers wandering in because they think we’re Whole Foods, it’ll be worth getting the name.”

Whole Sorta Like Foods Almost

And, that children, is how The Wholesome Foods Bodega got its name! Okay, everybody night night!!

Red Junior And His Bottle Gang

Found this “Pocket Pub” flask hanging on the shelf in the beverage aisle. Some funny stuff going on here:

Pocket Liquor License

I guess that ol’ hip flask model is just not cool anymore  old school how we do

Just because you fill this with 8oz of booze doesn’t mean you’re carrying around an entire PUB in your POCKET

My favorite: the lil’ gang of miscreants tucked in the upper right-hand corner.

Stock photo agency wouldn’t permit their faces to promote drunk and disorderly behavior.

The silhouettes make ’em look shady though.

 

Look At My Face On The Side Of A Building With Rectanguler Holes In My Head!!

Got this mailer for one of those financial advisors offering a webinar to help with retirement. I ask you: Why would I give my money to a guy who has gaping rectangular holes in his head!? WHY!?!?

Naz Dick Nas Dick Head

Yes, yes we know it’s supposed to be the Nasdaq building in Times Square.

640px-NYC_-_Midtown_Manhattan_–_Times_Square_–_Broadway_by_night_-_panoramio_(2)

But it is also your face on a building with GAPING RECTANGULAR HOLES IN YOUR HEAD!!

 

 

It’s Like Somebody Dared A Marketing Guru To Make Any POS Cool

Marketing Skeptic: “I bet you can’t make toilet paper hip.”

Marketing Guru: “I can make blood soaked gauze that covers scabs cool!”

Marketing Skeptic: “I dare you!”

Marketing Guru: “Watch me!”

You want to buy it. You don't know what it is but you want to buy it because it looks cool. Admit it!

Admit it. You don’t even know what it is but you want to buy it because the graphics are cool.

Dominating the bandage department

With prices like these, you’ll be slashing your wrists just to use them!

Good copy always makes absolutely no sense.

When you’re ready to blow 10 to 13 dollars on band aids, everything is insane.

Watermelon Color Bumble Bee Halloween Candy Shampoo Yogurt Rice Starch

Much to critique and demolish here … join me!

Fructis Garnier Drink Yogurt Shampoo

#1

I get that the message here is WATERMELON RED fruity healthy upbeat happy. But that shampoo bottle looks a little too much like a yogurt drink, right?

#2

And while they’re throwing COLORdid anyone stop to think what color represents “Yes” and which “No.” Red/Green = Stop/Go, right? Yes, no? Not really, sorta.
Rice Starch: “Yes AND Green!”
Silicones:”No AND Green!”
Plumping: “Yes AND Red!”
What is Plumping: “Yes!!
Columns to organize information: WTF?! No but YES!!! 

NoMeansYesNoYes

#3

And finally. how did Halloween colors and costumes get mixed up in here? And why is Drew Barrymore wearing a bumble bee costume? Is it Fall already?! Summer’s over???

Drew Bumblbeeee