August 13, 2009

Wipe Your Feet On The Tortilla Wrap Before You Come In

Since people can no longer be forced to watch commercials, advertisers have found tons of new places to shove messaging under our noses...or feet.  At the supermarket, this little vinyl mat informs us that the Mission tortilla wraps are now over by the bread department.  (I really hadn't been following their progress through the aisles, but thanks guys.) 

But what is "here?"  Is here there?  Where the bread is?  Or is here on the floor where I roll cart and wipe my feet?  Or is here, in the photo, where the illusion of the tortilla wrap really is.  Is.  Depending what your definition of "here" is...here. 

pitawrap_on_the_floor.jpg

August 12, 2009

Find the Google Ad That Applies Here

Let's play "Stump The Gmail Scanner!"  With very little to go on, and mainly the corporate disclaimer from a friend about some writing I sent him, the scanners grasp.  Okay, a few about writing and agents, how to make money (but why $77,000,000?) but my favorite is "You: an electricity fool?"  Moi? 

MMM_gmail_z1.jpg



August 11, 2009

It's Easy To Get a Credit Card If You've Been Practicing Yoga for 30 Years

What the hell are they saying here?!  You know they came up with the headline and said, "We need something that says 'easy.'  How do you show easy?"  Well, why not show someone in the impossible yoga pose, "Inverted Crane At Laptop." 
get_a_better_card_Page_1.jpg

August 9, 2009

Is This Polar Bear Really That Happy?

This all looks pretty innocent if totally incongruous: cartoon polar bear on an ice floe with a scarf, chillin on a chaise lounge.  All representing that the cold food stays cold, even when it's hot outside.  Of course, there's nothing "natural" about that.  This is a man-made thing this thermal food carrier.
polar_chill.jpg

Just as there's nothing natural about global warming which doesn't exactly leave this polar bear so happy on that ice floe. 

lastpolarbear.jpg





August 7, 2009

Obama Asks Moms To Read The Treasure Map

What is the metaphor here?  Feel free to have a go at it, because I'm totally lost...even with the treasure map.  Tall ships?  Going back to school and learning about Columbus??  If you saw this banner live, you'd be able to make the ships move around the circle with your mouse.  What does that mean?  Obama asks Moms to run in circles? 
obama_moms_2.jpg

August 6, 2009

What's The Name of this Bank Again?

For those following along, I posted a flyer found at my just-imploded bank, Washington Mutual, right in the thick of the financial debacle.  Chase bought WaMu and the flyer announced:

"We love Chase.  And not just because they have a trillion dollars."  (original post is here:)

The above "we" is now "unemployed" as the old Chase decimated and crushed WaMu to a fine powder.  Now Chase announces the new WaMu, er uh, Chase.  The Old Chase.  So...LET'S CELEBRATE!!!  <HURL!>

chase_day_in_hell.jpg

August 5, 2009

Imagine The Possibility of Being Suspended From a Harness

Another for The EHWAHEC (Extreme Height, Wide-Angle, Hip Eyeglass Creative) Wing of our Museum.

Is this for a trapeze job with the circus or a Java developer?  
insane_emc_eewahec.jpg

August 1, 2009

Hate The Money

Geico spends $837 billion a year on advertising.  They've got the Caveman which was funny for about 10 minutes, then I hated it.  They've got the gecko which was never funny and I hated it from the start.  And now they have this pile of money with eyes which makes me hate them even more. 
geico_money.jpg
Let's review: If a lot of people hate your product mascot, that's not good.  Advertisers love to point out that Mr. Whipple and the Verizon "Can You Hear Me Now" guy sell product, but that's because they spent gazillions flooding the airwaves with those clowns.  That's like saying an annoying pop song must be good because people can't get it out of their heads.  (Who Let The Dogs Out?!  Macarena?!  Barry Manilow??  HURL!)

geico_money_mouth.jpg

Lastly, this isn't a character?  This is a pile o' money with plastic eyes.  It doesn't even have a nose or a mouth.  You call this a mouth?!



July 31, 2009

Let's Play Chase The Chicken

I'm not a bleeding heart, veggie eating, earth muffin, tree hugger, but don't put animal cartoons on my food packaging.  Don't care how cute you make it, it's the animal that was slaughtered to make the food. 

A fine example below.  The damn chicken is running!  And he doesn't look particularly happy.  In fact, if you really misinterpret the cartoon trope, you might see the black and red shapes at his rear as sweat.   Still hungry?
clux_dlux_ded_chix.jpg

July 30, 2009

This Isn't Newspaper; This Is Trash

The newspaper business is in sorry shape but marketing will save the day! 

"What if we give away a free version of the paper with lots of ads, coupons and FSIs (free-standing inserts)?  They'll love that!  Pays for itself!  We can deliver it to their driveway and they'll be so happy they'll run out in the rain to get it." 

newspapersoaked2.jpgWe will?  Hell no! 

So when it sits out there in the rain because we really didn't want it in the first place, it's like they threw trash on our driveway.

It does look like it might be good as papier mache though. 

newspapersoaked.jpg

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