November 5, 2009

Smile and Say "Glum"

This was on a shelf in an American Apparel store.
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This being AMERICAN Apparel, they know full well that we all stopped smiling since the economy tanked.  But this guy is especially glum. Glum can read cool. But that long hair isn't doing anything to counter that glum, lifeless expression...no way.

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November 2, 2009

Bling Can Be Really Cheap Too!

blingcrap2.jpgThis was a little vending machine at a very busy rest stop on the NJ Turnpike. They've gotta catch your eye so they crammed as much stuff into the clear front as possible:

  • Photo of the kid practically cross-eyed with excitement over his gangsta-like oral fitting
  • A real-live gangsta (drawing) showing those goldy whites
  • The product name "BLING TEETH" all up in big bold CAPS.
  • And just to make sure you know what the hell Bling Teeth really are, they stuck a sample in 3D of the real thing.
Isn't marketing wonderful the way it can communicate so much. If it just said, "WASTE YOUR MONEY ON STUPID FAKE TEETH!!!" no one would buy it.

November 1, 2009

Kid with Cape Saves Health Care Legislation

A kid with a cape acting like a superhero is a pathetic representation of strength, right? 
blue_cross_muscle_kid.jpg

But consider this: if they used and adult, imagine how much more sad it would look.

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October 28, 2009

Marketing The Error Message

Hey, what sort of pretty sign is this!?  It's all lit up!  Like a TV screen!!  And what's this odd rectangle?  WOW!!
broken_sign3.jpg

Oh.

An error message.

 broken_sign2.jpg


October 24, 2009

Dr. Dirt meet Mr. Cheepee

I guess when you're business is dumpsters, there's no point in getting fancy with a "Dr." in your title. 
MisterCheepee.jpg
Mister works just fine.  But don't you wonder why they spelled it this way?  Why didn't they spell the whole thing wrong, like "Cheepee?"  Spelling it correctly, even though there is no such word, makes it sound like they're really serious about branding.  

October 22, 2009

Dr. Klinker Meet Dr. Dirt

Somehow, Mister Dirt doesn't have the same gravity and ring of truth that DOCTOR Dirt does.
 
doctorDirt.jpg

October 17, 2009

They're Making Jet Engines and They're Singing Love Songs...HURL!


I don't know much, but I know this commercial is ludicrous, annoying and I don't love it.  

October 15, 2009

Forget about Waldo. Where's The Traffic

See if you too can spot the relevant content in this cluttered page offering a smidgen of vital traffic info. 
SqueezeMap_orig.jpg


Here's the really distracting shit:
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Ahhh!  Here's the really important stuff...how could I miss it?!?
squeezeMap_hilite.jpg

October 10, 2009

Deer Candy?

No JOHN Deere Candy!  Oh that makes better sense. 
johndeere_candy_crap.jpg
It's simple.  Kids love candy.  Kids love tractors.  Kids will love candy tractors! 

That's like saying:  Socrates is a man.  Socrates loves candy.  Socrates loves candy men! 

October 9, 2009

Med School Candy?

operationCandyJunk.jpgOkay, we're into a meta-meta-meta-marketing. 
  • "Operation" is a board game which lets kids make believe they're surgeons. 
  • These candies are called "Operation" and branded like the board game. 
  • The individual pieces of candy are like the little organs that the "doctor" has to remove during the "operation."  

I'm flabbergasted as to how this sells anything
  • Will kids really into the board game going to want to eat the candy? 
  • Will kids really into the candy want to play the board game?
  • Will any enhancement of the Operation board game "brand" enhance our health care system? (no way in hell, btw.) 
In toto: this conglomerative mish-mosh of marketing ideas yields an unnatural mutation that should die because it has no purpose in this world. 
  • It says nothing 
  • It does nothing 
  • And sells nothing 
However, you can bet thousands upon thousands of dollars were burned in meetings, creative discussions and legal contracts putting together this out-on-a-limb concept. 

Wow...at least I was able to explain this to myself. 

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