January 4, 2010

You want Passion? Strategy? Vision? How about BUSINESS ALONG!!! HUH??!

What the hell happened with the font size and colors when they laid this out over the image?   Of all the words to CAP and place in BIG LETTERS why "BUSINESS ALONG?!!?"

passion_BUSINESSALONG_AHHH.jpg

This is like when you get an email from someone who doesn't know they have caps lock on. 
 
HEY,
NOT A LOT TO REPORT.  I HAVE NO LIFE.  REALLY TIRED.  WRITE BACK BUT NO NEED TO RUSH.  

December 21, 2009

Remember When Snowballs Were Free?

Sure it looks cute, the little snowman with the sign and all that. 
5centsnowman2.jpg

But does EVERYTHING have to have a price on it?!  Even 5 cents....they're snowballs for Christ's sake!!

December 19, 2009

Merry Chris-make-a-lotta-money...s

As noted before, the holidays are a time for joy, giving and desperate, hollow advertising.  Which brings us to the A&P store plastered with signs about a "Holisaleabration."  Doesn't that word sound a little like "halitosis."

holisaleabration.jpg

holisaleabration2.jpg

Please note the similarities to another A&P word-jumble campaign I mentioned from September of 2009:
Redtacular Spectacular Count Dracula

December 15, 2009

The Blue Screen of Lunch

Another in my series of public error messages.  Here in the window of a seasonally decorated gourmet shop one monitor seems to be behaving well, while another one went (sorry for the pun) 'out to lunch' in a blue screen of death.  I wonder if there was a bug in the food it was displaying.  (pun intended)

badmonitorscreen.jpg

December 12, 2009

You call this a gift?

This comes to us from our friends at the USPS during that most wonderful time of year when marketing becomes even more idiotic than any other time: THE HOLIDAYS!

ourGift2U.jpg

Last time I checked, when someone says "Here's a gift for you!"

They don't then say, "That'll be $8.95."

December 9, 2009

All Right. Who Took The Jingle?!!

As noted before, marketing around the holidays is the perfect time to mangle a metaphor and create cockamamie copy.  Take "Jingle Bells."  Let's trace the metaphor back to its source:
  • Christmas holiday represents birth of Christ, origins of Christianity
  • Holiday traditions include gift-giving, parties and songs
  • One of the popular songs, carols, includes "Jingle Bells"
  • The noun "jingle" and the verb "to jingle" have become associated with the holidays

jingleADay.jpg
So the copywriter's dialogue might have gone a little like this:

"Jingle....what else can we do with Jingle?  Jingle all the way, Jingle this.  Jingle that.  Hey!  What if the jingle was taken OUT of the holidays?!  What if someone could put the jingle BACK in the holidays?!?!  But who took the jingle!?!  I don't know!  But we can say, we put it back!  YEAH!!!" 

December 3, 2009

Give A Card...It's Cheap and Made of Paper

The fact that they slotted this little callout in the middle of the display really emphasizes how feeble the whole give-a-card sentiment is.  Almost calls attention to the fact that it's the cheapest little stupid ass thing you can do because you have no life and no friends. 

I mean, it doesn't say that.  But the thought is there. 
giveACard_suck.jpg

November 30, 2009

Do they really burn lattes at Christmastime?

As noted before, Christmas is that most wonderful time of year when marketing and advertising goes out of its way to be more idiotic and insane than usual.  Anything, and I mean ANYTHING, can be contorted, recontextualized, reconfigured, verbally massaged and manipulated to tie into some play on words, visual cue or reference to Christmas carol lyric, saying, religious references ... who the hell cares...make it work.  (Remember: Santa began as a Coca-Cola marketing gimmick.)

And so, courtesy of our friends at Au Bon Pain (Ahh Bone Pain), comes this travesty.  I can't believe they didn't post the date of the lighting.  How the hell am I supposed to join them if I don't know when it is?!?

lightinglattes.jpg

November 12, 2009

When You're A Pro, You Need Special Equipment

So Farberware comes out with a line of "Professional" equipment for serious cooks.  Okay, but are professional cooks really messing with cans of tuna?  C'mon.

professionalTunaSqueeze.jpg

November 8, 2009

But What IS This OTHER Juice

So Manufacturing says, "We can't guarantee we'll have that one kind of juice to mix with the White Cranberry Strawberry to reduce the tartness" Legal was called in and they said, "You have to say something about the juice that's in there."  So Marketing said, "Well why don't we just say 'some other juice.'  And that's how the "Another Juice" made it right on the front of the package. 

somekindofjuice1.jpg

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