Comments = 2
July 4, 2010

Our Mission? Remind you you're empty and you need to be whole.


From ABC Carpet & Home, NYC online and instore:
abc_comp.jpgTo wit:
"ABC Home's mission is to serve by manifesting a retail paradigm shift in which we compose a revolutionary platform for offering cause related product through beauty, experience and magic, in order to guide you to creatively express your individuality, values and actualize your home as a sacred space."

WHAT?! Let us deconstruct.

"Our mission..." = Our excuse for making money...

"...is to serve by manifesting a retail paradigm shift in which we compose a revolutionary platform..." = ...is a store...

"...cause-related product..." = ...that sells junk...

"through beauty, experience and magic In order to guide you to" = ...that we make you want...

"...to creatively express your individuality, values and actualize your home as a sacred place..." = ...because your life is empty and you need things to make you feel whole.

Translated:
Our excuse for making money is a store that sells junk that we make you want because your life is empty and you need things to make you feel whole.

copy for copy's sake, mission statement, visual merchandising
Posted by lee sachs at 2:59 PM | | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

June 25, 2010

Gentlemen, you are drunk

This comes to us from a gigantic sign in Grand Central, hence the odd reflected lights in the image.  Now I know they're serious, because they're using the term, "Gentlemen."  But, while they're being serious, they're also being another word that ends with "-ous."  Ridiculous.
gentlemen_you_are_drunk_small2.jpg
What exactly does that mean?  "Gentlemen, this is vodka."  What is this?  Sitting with glasses in your hands?  Not shaving?  Dressing semi-casual?  White and black men with glasses, talking about shaving heads, dressing casual with palm trees in the background?? 

Gentlemen, this is modeling.  This is fake.   


liquor, media business, signs
Posted by lee sachs at 7:35 PM | | TrackBacks (0)

June 12, 2010

Brand Your 'Rags-in-a-Box' All You Want! We Got Boxes of 'Em!

I'm thinking the generic Box of Rags people consider this a major coup.  Scott (R) with all the marketing might get bumped down the page, their "Rags in a Box" product overshadowed by the sheer mass of Boxes of Rags. 

ragsrags_2.jpg

I can just hear the Box of Rags sales guy exclaiming to his boss: 
"Fred, are ya sitting down??   Wait'll you get this!  I got the catalog to give us top third, all rags, above, are ya ready...SCOTT's RAGS-IN-A-BOX!!!"  

Must've been a big day. 

branding, catalog, product design
Posted by lee sachs at 11:37 PM | | TrackBacks (0)

April 25, 2010

We're taking care of you. In fact, THIS guy is taking care of you. Really!

From our friends at HP, came this status page for an order I had placed.  An order placed to get a refurbished printer at a discount because my other refurbished printer broke out of warranty.  (That other printer was replacing the first one which broke out of warranty...and so on.)  But who's bitching??  There is one simple message on this page: my order is "on order." 

AND as an added bonus,  here's a picture of a guy smiling. 

HP_HappyGuy_blurryBackgroundShipmentNonsense.jpg
Why do we need a picture of this guy?  Who is he?  He's got a little golf shirt on, seems to be in front of, I'm imagining some place like Home Depot or a big warehouse.  He's not doing anything, of course.  He had to stop in his busy day so some photographer could take pictures of him.  Okay, now go back to shipping orders out and stop smiling.

stock photos
Posted by lee sachs at 7:49 PM | | TrackBacks (0)

March 26, 2010

I wonder if my password is up here???

This lady forgot her password.  She thinks it might be up here...inside the wide-angle lens of this camera that's hanging high above her head. 

high_angle_102.jpg

extreme height, wide angle
Posted by lee sachs at 3:27 PM | | TrackBacks (0)

February 11, 2010

Hey, Wanna Be My Beauty Partner

So, a looong time ago, there were but a few official sponsors of just a few events: the Olympics and the Super Bowl.  Now we've got the official sponsor of beauty for Valentine's Day.  Ir's bad enough that they've titled a movie after a holiday and then made it seem like they own the day.  Then they actually took beauty, something were the original official sponsors back in 400 BC, and co-opted that too. 
niveaISwhat.jpg
Next up, IMAX 3D, the Official Sponsor of Reality. 


movies, new line cinema, nivea
Posted by lee sachs at 12:25 AM | | TrackBacks (0)

February 7, 2010

Adult Pretzels

There really is nothing "adult" about these pretzels.  In fact, I'm feeling mighty immature making fun of this.  But I mean, c'mon!  Nutzels and Rods???  Remind me to use this one when I present The Museum of Marketing Madness to high school boys. 
nutz_rodz_jeez.jpg

bachman, groceries, packaging, pretzels, snacks
Posted by lee sachs at 11:43 PM | | TrackBacks (0)

February 3, 2010

You need a job? Or a Nose Job?

In this exchange on Gmail with someone about work and using the words employment, the Highly Intelligent Google Email Scanners figured we might just be interested in a rhinoplasty or picking locks. 
gmail_w_josh2snip2.jpg

So the logic goes: If you're looking for a job, you might need some plastic surgery so you look better.  And, if you're not making any money unemployed, you might want to know how to pick locks and steal money. 

Makes perfect sense!

email marketing, Gmail, google
Posted by lee sachs at 7:57 PM | | TrackBacks (0)

February 1, 2010

I Hope The Knuckle Headquarters Are Nicer Than This

Nine assorted exhaust elbows on a rack does not deserve the moniker "headquarters." 

ElbowHeadquarters_SM_ok.jpg

Frankly, I don't know what an Elbow Headquarters would look like, but it's not this. 

automotive, copy for copy's sake, meinecke, midas, signs
Posted by lee sachs at 12:07 PM | | TrackBacks (0)

January 31, 2010

Cake, Icing, Food Coloring...Yeah, Real Magical

In a supermarket, to promote the broad range of 'theme' cakes they can whip up, is a catalog, presented on a stand like a dictionary in the library.  The Big Message is: The Magic of Cakes.  Is it me, or is this just depressing? 
cakemagicBS_final.jpg
It could've just said something witty like: "Have your cake...and eat it too."  But magic?!  Last time I saw someone pass off something like this as magic, it was a magician at a kids party who showed up wasted and pulled a bong out of a hat. 

graphic design, headlines, supermarkets
Posted by lee sachs at 12:07 AM | | TrackBacks (0)

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