The Museum of Marketing Madness

Google Knows Everything About Me...Isn't That Cute!

2013-05-15T03:50:26Z

For a campaign to soften the image of Google knowing every single thing there is know about us Google chooses a harmless, hand-drawn figure to make it all seem so gentle, easy, painless.

I mean take a look at this guy. Standing on two chair legs, arms drawn like fat noodles ...

...and a face only a search and information technology giant could love:

The message being, "You're a harmless 2-dimensional drawing of a person to us that we could just as easily smudge out of existence. And, by the way, we know everything about you. But you're cute!"

Nothing Succeeds Like...A Kid In A Suit On A Runway Wearing Wings

2013-05-12T04:10:12Z

I rest my case.

Fully Authentic Fakeness

2013-05-08T21:53:17Z

From Madness Museum Fan, Doug Wiley Comedian (i think his last name is really "Wiley" though), comes this fine example of oxymoronic copy headlines.

There is a whole discussion of this on Facebook where Doug first posted this. The gist of the the discussion (minus biblical references) is that bacon is sold raw, like sushi. People don't eat bacon raw like sushi or they get trichinosis or tapeworms or something.

So they cook it. Themselves. Traditionally.

Stupidadvertisridiculal

2013-05-06T22:22:30Z

Stupid advertisement that is riduculous.

"That ad up there it's so stupid and ridiculous. It's stupidadvertisridiculal."

Where NOT To Go If You Want Answers...

2013-05-06T00:26:52Z

...but if you just wanna waste time, you can have fun ripping apart answers.com.

You'll note I posted the question, "What Is the point?" just to see what happens.

I also got related questions like these..."what dosage of Allegra can you give to your chihuahua" and "How do you make a citrus fruit battery."

What Exactly IS Productive About This Workforce?

2013-05-03T00:38:56Z

Four women sitting around a computer looking at pictures of Brad Pitt's abs is NOT productive. And what exactly did the photographer say to make these women get so excited?

It's Bad To Be Somebody Else

2013-04-25T12:40:24Z

I can work with the Crisp, Clean, No Caffeine rhyming stuff, but the additional "It's Good To Be You?" Sounds like the tagline for a psychotherapist specializing in schizophrenia.

Cracker Meet Copper

2013-04-25T03:53:54Z

So the story goes, Doctor Copper invested in metals and never even wasted his time getting his M.D. He just thought it sounded cool to have Doctor in front of his name, because everybody trusts a Doctor. Even a Doctor of Copper with no degree...he has the lab coat.

With A Name Like Cracker...

2013-04-24T02:52:46Z

So the story goes, James T. Kracker finally got his M.D., opened a practice and nobody patients would see him because of his name, Doctor Kracker, just scared a lot of people off. So he did the next best thing. Started a cracker company.

Now What Could I Do With A Pool???

2013-04-22T03:10:25Z

A late night commercial for the endless pool by Endless Pools, Inc. has an 800# to call for a "Free Idea Kit." What is the idea? I want a pool or I don't want a pool. Do I need a kit to give me ideas about what a pool is for?

I guess you can use it as storage in the wintertime for all your pool equipment.

Did Queen Elizabeth Knight This Guy In A Blackout?

2013-04-13T16:26:07Z

I guess once you make Mick Jagger a knight, then it's a slippery slope to Sir Grout.

Don't Get Confused By Confusing Taglines! Get Confused Today

2013-04-11T17:16:15Z

Two things going on here ... all wrong.
The headline of "Don't Get Swept By A Chimney Sweep!" seems to be saying, "Don't call me if you need a chimney sweep, because I'm a chimney sweep."

I also think that whole clip-art, gold-metal, rubbery-looking guy on a ladder is just, uh, rubbery-looking and not very human. Not at ALL human. Maybe that's the chimney sweep you're not supposed to call. I'm just confused.

Someone Call Doc(tor) Maarten...This Guy Is Being Raped

2013-04-07T17:48:31Z

He doesn't look to happy about her being on top. And she doesn't look to happy about being photographed. Aren't these people paid good money to be in these ads? Lighten up children!

I think they're selling shoes. Or something.

The Crazy Sports Kids Play These Days!

2013-04-05T03:35:40Z

Going clockwise from the center, we have here for sports camp Girls Lacrosse, Boys Basketball, Girls Basketball, Boys Baseball, Boys Lacrosse, and, uh, Boys Divining Rods With Large Thick Red Ropes.]

Maybe that's Girls Divining Rods?

Sometimes Marketing Madness Is Just Madness

2013-03-27T21:56:54Z

This comes from a contributor (my brother Brad Sachs). He had to point out that the reference to "Madness" refers to "schedule that vasectomy...before the basketball finals...." Uhh...madness is right.

I'm surprised they didn't extend the analogy somehow mixing up 'brackets' with 'tubes tying' or something. All I can say is...wow.