December 29, 2010
When The Relationship Is Meaningless, Give The Gift Of Meaninglessness
Give the gift that has a very slim chance to keep on giving...
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December 2010 Archives
December 26, 2010
This Is One Relieved Nutcracker
Finally....the stockings were thrown in the trash with the rest
The Xmas rhymes deleted from hard drives with zest....
ENOUGH!
Here...from the day after Christmas....
December 21, 2010
Steal The Present!
From the windows of Banana Republic, comes this imperative sentence...remember those? The subject is YOU!
Meaning, YOU shmuck, LOVE THE THING THAT SOMEONE GAVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK OF IT EVEN IF YOU HATE IT AND WILL RETURN IT OR BURN IT OR MAKE FUN OF IT AS SOON AS YOUR FRIEND LEAVES! Get it!?!
December 20, 2010
What's Gonna Happen? I Might Actually Get What I Want For Once??
Kenneth Cole warns us. But why do I have to be careful? What, someone's gonna give me something I really want?!? Yeah, right!
Maybe you should be careful what you say to me! What if I don't wish for your $498 embossed leather duffle with gunmetal grey brushed hardware?!!? You're outta' business! You want me to wish for that?!? Just a thought....
December 17, 2010
Give UP Already!
Continuing the * G I V I N G * theme, which is really marketing's way of saying:
B U Y !! B L O W M O N E Y !! ... Crate & Barrel gives us (there's that word again) this.
"Give Jolly" is almost like just mashing up two seasonal words without really making sense. Like saying, "Ho Sleigh Jolly Bells Tree Presents."
"Give the host." Hmm....they're not getting all religious on us and saying THAT kinda host. No way!
December 15, 2010
This Bean Sacrificed Its Life For You
Actually, that bean was dried, roasted, ground into a fine powder with about 3,000 of his friends and then drowned in steaming, hot water forced through whatever was left of his decimated body...
ONLY THEN the bean found you here. Enjoy!
December 12, 2010
Talking Dirty For The Holidays
From luxury retailer Barneys, where saying the word "recession" is the same as saying "Voldemort" in a Harry Potter book, has a cute lil' bit of wordplay on the giving idea. I'm wracking my brains, but I can't think of any other common expression except "Give good head" which this could possibly originate from.
December 9, 2010
Did Anybody Ask Nature What SHE Thinks?
Where do they get off??!
Well I talked to Nature and she said,
"I would never drink soda! What the hell do they think!? I can drink any mineral water that I created damn it! And, at the end of a long day, I love a nice glass of Chevalier-Montrachet La Cabotte Chardonnay. But Sierra Mist?? I friggin' created the real mist in the sierras!! There's no sugar in that! In fact, the sierras are not known for their mist particularly during summer months in the foothills."
December 7, 2010
How Stupid Is SHE???
This shmuck is really pushing it. How did he convince her of this??
"Sweetheart, if you wear that short skirt and heels and have lunch with me in 20 degree weather outside in the snow, I'll give you a blue box under the table."
December 6, 2010
She Loves Him, She Debits Him Not...
No you can't "accidentally overdraft"...but you are guaranteed to totally score when she sees that hot, steamy monthly statement with no overdraft fees or excessive transaction charges.
December 4, 2010
What Kinda Santa Do You Think You Are?!
Picking up where we left off on the Sears "Everybody is a Stupid Santa" campaign, I bring you the real definition of these particularly flavored santas:
Recall the original as reference:
December 3, 2010
I Want To Be Subversive Santa
You can't go wrong with your holiday campaign if you tie the jolly ole' fart in. But I always thought Santa was Santa (unless you're Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa.")
Sears reminds us there's Stupid Santa, Self-important Santa, Stand with your hips turned Santa and so on.
I've got some nicknames for these clowns, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow.
December 1, 2010
Somebody Cracked the Nutcracker
Feelin' a little sorry for this guy. Santa gets a chair, but Soldier Nutcracker gets bound to a gutter extreme-rendition-style.
Hanging on for dear life, gritting his teeth and all...
`
December 26, 2010
This Is One Relieved Nutcracker
Finally....the stockings were thrown in the trash with the rest
The Xmas rhymes deleted from hard drives with zest....
ENOUGH!
Here...from the day after Christmas....
The Xmas rhymes deleted from hard drives with zest....
ENOUGH!
Here...from the day after Christmas....
December 21, 2010
Steal The Present!
From the windows of Banana Republic, comes this imperative sentence...remember those? The subject is YOU!
Meaning, YOU shmuck, LOVE THE THING THAT SOMEONE GAVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK OF IT EVEN IF YOU HATE IT AND WILL RETURN IT OR BURN IT OR MAKE FUN OF IT AS SOON AS YOUR FRIEND LEAVES! Get it!?!
Meaning, YOU shmuck, LOVE THE THING THAT SOMEONE GAVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK OF IT EVEN IF YOU HATE IT AND WILL RETURN IT OR BURN IT OR MAKE FUN OF IT AS SOON AS YOUR FRIEND LEAVES! Get it!?!
December 20, 2010
What's Gonna Happen? I Might Actually Get What I Want For Once??
Kenneth Cole warns us. But why do I have to be careful? What, someone's gonna give me something I really want?!? Yeah, right!
Maybe you should be careful what you say to me! What if I don't wish for your $498 embossed leather duffle with gunmetal grey brushed hardware?!!? You're outta' business! You want me to wish for that?!? Just a thought....
Maybe you should be careful what you say to me! What if I don't wish for your $498 embossed leather duffle with gunmetal grey brushed hardware?!!? You're outta' business! You want me to wish for that?!? Just a thought....
December 17, 2010
Give UP Already!
Continuing the * G I V I N G * theme, which is really marketing's way of saying:
B U Y !! B L O W M O N E Y !! ... Crate & Barrel gives us (there's that word again) this.
"Give Jolly" is almost like just mashing up two seasonal words without really making sense. Like saying, "Ho Sleigh Jolly Bells Tree Presents."
"Give the host." Hmm....they're not getting all religious on us and saying THAT kinda host. No way!
B U Y !! B L O W M O N E Y !! ... Crate & Barrel gives us (there's that word again) this.
"Give Jolly" is almost like just mashing up two seasonal words without really making sense. Like saying, "Ho Sleigh Jolly Bells Tree Presents."
"Give the host." Hmm....they're not getting all religious on us and saying THAT kinda host. No way!
December 15, 2010
This Bean Sacrificed Its Life For You
Actually, that bean was dried, roasted, ground into a fine powder with about 3,000 of his friends and then drowned in steaming, hot water forced through whatever was left of his decimated body...
ONLY THEN the bean found you here. Enjoy!
ONLY THEN the bean found you here. Enjoy!
December 12, 2010
Talking Dirty For The Holidays
From luxury retailer Barneys, where saying the word "recession" is the same as saying "Voldemort" in a Harry Potter book, has a cute lil' bit of wordplay on the giving idea. I'm wracking my brains, but I can't think of any other common expression except "Give good head" which this could possibly originate from.
December 9, 2010
Did Anybody Ask Nature What SHE Thinks?
Where do they get off??!
Well I talked to Nature and she said,
"I would never drink soda! What the hell do they think!? I can drink any mineral water that I created damn it! And, at the end of a long day, I love a nice glass of Chevalier-Montrachet La Cabotte Chardonnay. But Sierra Mist?? I friggin' created the real mist in the sierras!! There's no sugar in that! In fact, the sierras are not known for their mist particularly during summer months in the foothills."
Well I talked to Nature and she said,
"I would never drink soda! What the hell do they think!? I can drink any mineral water that I created damn it! And, at the end of a long day, I love a nice glass of Chevalier-Montrachet La Cabotte Chardonnay. But Sierra Mist?? I friggin' created the real mist in the sierras!! There's no sugar in that! In fact, the sierras are not known for their mist particularly during summer months in the foothills."
December 7, 2010
How Stupid Is SHE???
This shmuck is really pushing it. How did he convince her of this??
"Sweetheart, if you wear that short skirt and heels and have lunch with me in 20 degree weather outside in the snow, I'll give you a blue box under the table."
"Sweetheart, if you wear that short skirt and heels and have lunch with me in 20 degree weather outside in the snow, I'll give you a blue box under the table."
December 6, 2010
She Loves Him, She Debits Him Not...
No you can't "accidentally overdraft"...but you are guaranteed to totally score when she sees that hot, steamy monthly statement with no overdraft fees or excessive transaction charges.
December 4, 2010
What Kinda Santa Do You Think You Are?!
Picking up where we left off on the Sears "Everybody is a Stupid Santa" campaign, I bring you the real definition of these particularly flavored santas:
Recall the original as reference:
Recall the original as reference:
December 3, 2010
I Want To Be Subversive Santa
You can't go wrong with your holiday campaign if you tie the jolly ole' fart in. But I always thought Santa was Santa (unless you're Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa.")
Sears reminds us there's Stupid Santa, Self-important Santa, Stand with your hips turned Santa and so on.
I've got some nicknames for these clowns, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow.
Sears reminds us there's Stupid Santa, Self-important Santa, Stand with your hips turned Santa and so on.
I've got some nicknames for these clowns, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow.
December 1, 2010
Somebody Cracked the Nutcracker
Feelin' a little sorry for this guy. Santa gets a chair, but Soldier Nutcracker gets bound to a gutter extreme-rendition-style.
Hanging on for dear life, gritting his teeth and all...
Hanging on for dear life, gritting his teeth and all...