November 2009 Archives

November 30, 2009

Do they really burn lattes at Christmastime?

As noted before, Christmas is that most wonderful time of year when marketing and advertising goes out of its way to be more idiotic and insane than usual.  Anything, and I mean ANYTHING, can be contorted, recontextualized, reconfigured, verbally massaged and manipulated to tie into some play on words, visual cue or reference to Christmas carol lyric, saying, religious references ... who the hell cares...make it work.  (Remember: Santa began as a Coca-Cola marketing gimmick.)

And so, courtesy of our friends at Au Bon Pain (Ahh Bone Pain), comes this travesty.  I can't believe they didn't post the date of the lighting.  How the hell am I supposed to join them if I don't know when it is?!?

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November 12, 2009

When You're A Pro, You Need Special Equipment

So Farberware comes out with a line of "Professional" equipment for serious cooks.  Okay, but are professional cooks really messing with cans of tuna?  C'mon.

professionalTunaSqueeze.jpg

November 8, 2009

But What IS This OTHER Juice

So Manufacturing says, "We can't guarantee we'll have that one kind of juice to mix with the White Cranberry Strawberry to reduce the tartness" Legal was called in and they said, "You have to say something about the juice that's in there."  So Marketing said, "Well why don't we just say 'some other juice.'  And that's how the "Another Juice" made it right on the front of the package. 

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November 5, 2009

Smile and Say "Glum"

This was on a shelf in an American Apparel store.
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This being AMERICAN Apparel, they know full well that we all stopped smiling since the economy tanked.  But this guy is especially glum. Glum can read cool. But that long hair isn't doing anything to counter that glum, lifeless expression...no way.

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November 2, 2009

Bling Can Be Really Cheap Too!

blingcrap2.jpgThis was a little vending machine at a very busy rest stop on the NJ Turnpike. They've gotta catch your eye so they crammed as much stuff into the clear front as possible:

  • Photo of the kid practically cross-eyed with excitement over his gangsta-like oral fitting
  • A real-live gangsta (drawing) showing those goldy whites
  • The product name "BLING TEETH" all up in big bold CAPS.
  • And just to make sure you know what the hell Bling Teeth really are, they stuck a sample in 3D of the real thing.
Isn't marketing wonderful the way it can communicate so much. If it just said, "WASTE YOUR MONEY ON STUPID FAKE TEETH!!!" no one would buy it.

November 1, 2009

Kid with Cape Saves Health Care Legislation

A kid with a cape acting like a superhero is a pathetic representation of strength, right? 
blue_cross_muscle_kid.jpg

But consider this: if they used and adult, imagine how much more sad it would look.

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